|Principal Ponzi's muse and siren.|
|Age||Very old; age uncertain, but definitely over 80|
|Hair Color||White, possibly light grey|
|Voice Actor||Jules De Jongh (uncredited)|
|First Appearance||Billy Joe the Scholar|
Mrs. Rumsfeld appears to be very nice to people no matter what. As a teacher, she is very well-mannered and is capable of restraining any temper she possesses, and to Principal Ponzi, she takes care never to insult him or make him feel bad when she rejects his date invitations. She even takes time to reward students for good work on their assignments, and shows disappointment when they do incredibly poorly.
She also seems to love the topic of Social Studies, being more than happy to give obscure bonus questions to her students for the fun of it.
However, she is possibly a little senile. She has been seen to get a little lost in the Beverly Beverly hallways, and seems a little too sedate for an ordinary person.
She is not interested in Ponzi in any way, shape, or form, but does not want to be mean to express this. When he invites her out to eat, she cleverly removes her dentures and insists that she cannot eat solid food in order to avoid rejecting him outright, and when he is walking towards her in the hallway, she shuffles away a little faster than usual.
However, in Biopic Trap, she is temporarily interested in Ponzi when she sees one of Spencer's movies, starring him. It is only through Ponzi's ineptitude at courting that she loses interest in him.
- She has dentures, not real teeth. When she isn't wearing her dentures, she can still speak perfectly fine, which is odd considering it is near-impossible to speak any language correctly without teeth.
- Apparently, she has been teaching for over eighty years, which would make her at least one hundred years old. However, this is unlikely, since people over one hundred years old are much more frail and sessile than she is.